Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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