You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
