Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
