ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I love you.
Bad choice
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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