You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
