He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
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