I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize