I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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