some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
