I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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