Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
