I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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