Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Randomize
