i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
