Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
