I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
