I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
