I heard we made out
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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