i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
