I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
