So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
he puts the penis in happiness.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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