My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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