I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
