I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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