I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
