I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
