i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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