Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
