The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
