After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
