1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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