Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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