im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
