You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You smell like stripper and shame
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
