i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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