When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
try to milk me bitch
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