i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
