I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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