i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
