omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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