I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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