The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
