five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
