Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
