At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
