Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
my being single is dangerous.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
