so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
