So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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