The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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