you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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