I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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