If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
