What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Two words: nipple clamps
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