She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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