we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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