he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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