If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
