woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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