Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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