Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
All I want is dick and wine.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
