If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
