It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
